17th September 2021 (2nd draft revisions)

There is a living empty shell of a mind wandering in the universe.

Complex mind seeing the struggles and the truths of this world.

Perhaps before her life, there is an untold experience engraved deeply in her heart. Making her afraid to face things and run away from the lane.

Even though she is running, she only realizes that she is walking on a treadmill. Only exhaust the present without going anywhere. But she thinks:

"at least I am not moving. I am not getting any near. To either destructions of this world or fallen into the short illusions of a blissful life”

Then one time she found something familiar. Written there in the mirror. Faces screaming through its shadow. To tight to hold on to afraid to let go.




We have our definition on things. We applied it to our brains so it create the persona. Not depends on what we know or what we have. It’s not about how long you been there too, but how you understand. And the understanding is more personal because of the definition we comprehend.

Our "Ego".

We love to admit how well we know things, because we had done many times an act like an expert. And yes who want to hear some bullshit if people came to us for solution? Do we dare to be vulnerable? And admit that we don’t know things? The risk of judgement where the trauma starts lead these long thesis.

20th February, 2019. (5th draft revisions)



Yes I don't care.

I don't want to care about anything.

Yes. I am just ignorance.

Yes. I am bad.

I don't care about anyone, my family, my self. I don't give a shit.

I don't care about my life. My future, my current. Any present moment. I don't care.

I just want to sleep. Not thinking about anything. Not caring about anything.

I just want to put end on this suffering.





Journal of the blue mind, lost among the winds, wanting to be a shooting stars just because it was dead and beautiful.